A NEW Season of YOUR Marriage
Today’s post is about the issue of fairness. I know for me, I have always wanted to be heard in our marriage and have my opinions and ideas be known. However, it wasn’t until I embraced my purpose in life as a wife and a mother that that view changed for me. I was focused on the wrong thing and it almost cost me my marriage.
What is it about having to be right? I think I had so much ingrained from me from getting too many A’s in school. I was obsessed with having to do things “right” in my life, in my marriage, with my friends, with my family and there was no way I was ever going to get everything right, all the time. NOBODY is perfect.
In fact, the more things I tried to do well at, the less I was able to do my best in anything. Just because I could say yes to everything because I could, didn’t mean that I should.
When we put ourself at the bottom of our own priority list in life, it shows everywhere.
Growing up, I was the typical straight A student, scholarship kid who everyone would have been shocked to hear if I killed myself because it seemed like I had it all “right.” However, I was putting so much pressure on myself that nobody would have been able to take on everything I was trying to do and it left me feeling really alone and depressed. I knew something wasn’t right and was hurting me, but I didn’t know how to fix it on my own and I didn’t even know where to look. My emotions were running and ruining my life.
Later, after I got married, when my husband would point things out like the fact that I needed more rest or try to give me ideas about ways I could be more efficient with my time, because he could see I was burning myself out, I would get offended and resentful of him and put up walls between us.
It wasn’t until I actually slowed down enough to embrace my God inspired purpose and roll as a wife and mother in my life that things actually improved. I was running around, trying to put myself in a box and label myself with all these other titles, when my heart was hurting because I wasn’t valuing myself in my own roles as a wife and mother. I felt like I had to have all of these other degrees, certifications and titles and the more I pushed to get them, the more empty I felt. I had achieved such great things and still felt unfulfilled.
I am so grateful for my husband’s patience with me in encouraging me over the years to discover my own divinely inspired purpose for my life. Whatever I have wanted to do or try, he has been supportive of. It took me a long time to realize I was getting to live my dream, I just had to stop and let it catch up to me, then pour all my skills and talents into that.
I have always had a heart for families and write to encourage and inspire families. The real everyday things that cause us to push away the people we love and these invisible walls we put in our own way to protect us, actually hurt us. When we work to tear those down and be free of the negative emotionally charged feelings that destroy us, we see a whole new way of doing things and are reenergized with the power that comes from reaching our full and true potential.
As long as we can be open and willing to learn and have enough humility to accept when we don’t know something, there is always hope for us. I am so grateful for my husband for being the one person who knows me best and who loves and pushes me to overcome my challenges. Work to include your spouse in your life as your closest true friend and helpmate and know that every emotion is an opportunity to learn and grow.
The Marriage Solution