Does anyone else relate to this?
Have you ever had a great idea that nobody else even liked? Have you ever tried your best and someone else didn’t make you feel appreciated? Have you ever felt disappointed because you wanted your way to be the “right” way and couldn’t “sell it” to your spouse? I couldn’t seem to win and I hated that!
For years in my marriage I honestly thought that if I was just a good person, tried my best, loved hard, prayed harder, and did what I thought a good wife is supposed to do (whatever that movie taught me) I would have a great marriage.
Do you know what I got instead? A husband who looked at porn instead of wanting to be intimate with me, a very lonely isolated feeling marriage, and two separate people living in the same house who supposedly loved each other but rarely showed it. We were sticking to our vows though and we sure were friends, but it wasn’t really much fun not having intimacy or connections.
It wasn’t until I gave up my stupid stubborn ideals of the fairy tale life I thought I was marrying that my life started to get better. Real life needs to be based on great communication, authentic experiences, deep intimacy, and sharing what each person wants, needs, and desires in your relationship. Then, (and this was the part I really hated!) it takes accepting that your are wrong, doing something to learn what you don’t know you don’t know, and hearing what your spouse actually needs and wants from you.
It doesn’t sound that complicated but this is excruciatingly painful for most couples. I was not good at communicating my feelings and it wasn’t until I got to the root of my own personal hang ups and insecurities about that, that my life got better. Having deep communication and understanding is the basis of a meaningful life and relationship and without that, it’s just empty “to do” lists and an occasional meeting for sex.
When couples cheat on each other, many times it is because that true intimacy is missing. One person is usually the talker and the other usually doesn’t want to do that and becomes the listener. Whenever someone is feeling run over in their relationship or just putting up with the other person’s bad behavior, it is a recipe for disaster.
Instead of living broken, identify what you hate to do, and work on overcoming your own insecurities to have the freedom from that emotional trauma and move on! You will get the blessings from the learning and your life will be amazing!
The Marriage Solution